Inception live tweet, rough draft

Inception live tweet, rough draft

I’m trying this again, posting of the rough draft of my live tweet, the difference is this time I actually posted live while I watched, just not everything I write this time. Not much that I wrote made it live, either because I didn’t think it was funny enough or it just didn’t feelmm, km,Mk ,m ,,..? appropriate. I also left in my uncompleted thoughts. This way I can hopefully track where each line was coming from and Garth better at condensing my thoughts into easily communicable tweets.

Arthur was once a teenaged alien scientist.

Painful things to watch: Dicaprio on a phone call.

BUSTED! #PointBreakEnding

You must be dreaming if you think all of your mistakes result in the death of other people.

This movie kinda hinders my brain’s ability to be funny.

Made up rules that make sense.

If I could actually dream like that I’d never wake-up. The movie title means inspiration to do something unhealthy.

Fantasy stabbing in 3…2…1…

“Cobb you’re a giant asshole!” -Every character so far.

Can Cobb make a cameo in The Dark Knight Rises as a supervillain associate of Bane?

These are pretty well-educated criminals.

Alley sequence approaching, preparing for mind to be blown.

Alley sequence completed. Still clueless.

I think the building with the penrose steps was used in the first episode of BBC’s Jekyll & Hyde.

Yusef’s introduction scene could have been right out of “Indiana Jones and the Mystical Dream Walker”

“Abuse of a Controlled Substance.” Crimes on Film

“Maurice Fisher is a giant asshole!” -Every person in that room

Ariadne said “He’s out of his mind and I’m not letting him in mine,” AND NOBODY STOPPED TO CONSIDER IT!?

We can do anything we want! As long as the rich guy is on our team anyway.

Ariadne loses all credibility when she enters his mind on purpose.

Control of your dreams is brain masturbation. Leave it to people to use an amazing new technology to pleasure themselves.

“Ariadne is a crafty little mutant.” -Me, just now

SPOILER (Maybe?) If Cobb is actually dreaming and “Fake-Mal” is actually a real-person, she’s crazier than he is.

I think this movie was actually made by Republicans. I’ll explain later.

Shootout with The Subconscious #ThisMovieAsAWestern #Inception

It’s ok to kill those guys, they’re not really real. #MagicParachute

Gibberish explanation equals movie science.

Everyone thank Dom for screwing it up for EVERYBODY! Audience*

Is this guy’s worst nightmare really the best way to start this heist?

What was the significance of that, I wonder? -Everyone, the whole movie

Marion Cotillard has the world’s most perfect boobs.

“That poor woman just jumped off a building Jess and I don’t know what is going on.” -My Grandmother

“Jesser when you said we were watching a movie about dreams, we expected a cartoon, son.” -My Granddad

Watched this movie 4 times now, what is the significance of the “safe numbers”?

Gonna finish my birthday cake while I finish this effed up movie.

Eames looks just a bit TOO excited to get to play a woman in this dream.

That woman actually looks like a Barbie. And not in the good way

Fisher’s subconcious is definitely from LA. The building starts to shake and no one reacts. “It was just a 1.5, we’re good.”

It’s a good thing I can’t smell movies right about now. What? *shrug*

Suddenly dream thievery is a normal practice? “I can blow up this hotel safely. Because, I do it all the time IN MY SLEEP!” 

Those two guys are flirting? Is that what Arthur and Eames are doing?

Yusef is a ninja too, I guess?

I really don’t like that Arthur felt the need to say “Paradox” at that moment. #UnnecessaryExplanation

We programmed a second warning into our plan*

“Just do your job Eames. Gawd!” -Cobb

Joseph Gordon Levitt moved like a frakking dolphin in that weightless fight scene!

Haven’t you ever considered the consequences of your actions! Dom, those people you’re killing could be important brain cells! We don’t know!

That is a very nice looking elevator.

Why does defibrillating Fisher work? I’m sorry, stupid question. *

Am I imagining that the scene music is slower the deeper you go?

That final dream scenario looks a great deal like a videogame to me. Wait, that might have been the point.

Wait, was the *

How is *

I think I may have scrambled my brain on this one.

Cobb, you’re telling us this now? Something that could have been brought to our attention YESTERDAY! #RipOff

Wait, Mal willingly forgot that reality *

Mal forgot on purpose and Cobb could’t accept it so he told her she *


That’s right cobb, make fun of the homicidal monster lady.

“I was disappointed you tried,” is a pretty doggone good line.

He can’t still be asleep. If he is, the people trying to wake him up really suck at their jobs.

Saito is actually a pretty frakking smart guy.

Wait, did Saito do that on purpose?

It was Dom’s subconcious that *

His dad (Michael Caine) being there at the end never made sense to me. That’s my proof he’s still asleep. #IgnorantlyBoldStatement

Are we sure this isn’t the Dark Knight music?

*Uncompleted thoughts that I left for the purpose of seeing more of my creative process. It’s still writing even if it went nowhere.

Forgot to give this a title.

Stayed up way too late to have a drink and watch Inception. Really enjoyed it. Not as many jokes as I hoped for came out of it. All in all, decent evening. Giving this “write every day” thing a try, just to get the crap out of the way for the good stuff to flow. Not sure what I’m writing for the but the better I get the more I can use it I’m sure. Gotta work on the 6 year plan some more, for real, especially next week when I’m not working. Finally over the the fact that no one cares and I don’t care what this is, even if others do read it.


I’m out. Done. *chugs last bit of beer* First bathroom. Then I’m done.


P.S. The music at the end of the Inception credits are trying very deliberately to frak with you.

The Dark Knight live tweet, rough draft

In the past I have simply live-tweeted my movie viewings rough and uncensored. Now I know better. I once heard that if you want to be a writer, write all the time, even if it’s crap. So my “live tweet” of The Dark Knight became a writing project. I post below, in chronological order every random thought or joke that crossed my mind as I viewed, conceived as tweets. Eventually I hope to have compiled a nice cache of movie based jokes. For what that has yet to be determined. This way I can also maintain control of my own material better than a twitter joke that could be ripped off. (For all intents and purposes, the hashtag “TheDarkKnight” would accompany the end of each line).


The Dark Knight

Nolan showed us the joker seconds after his named was used. Joker barely survived! That’s some insanity!


The guy with the grenade in his mouth is now a disciple of the Joker.

Nolan just showed us that “superstitious” thing in the wild.  No Way man. Batsignal’s on. I ain’t going to jail With a brokenArm, hanging upside down tonight.

Batman just said a spoiled, rich, brat line and thinks he can get away with it, BECAUSE he’s a spoiled rich brat.

How do you, and an old man, build an elevator into a shipping container And no one knows about it?!

Bruce makes mistakes, and fixes them, and then holds his integrity over everyone else’s head. No one calls him on it ever. That’s not cool.

Bruce uses his money to make himself a king and then wonders why people resent him!

Lucius is a far more forgiving person than he should be.

Bruce is an ASSHOLE to women!

Gotham City is proud of a citizen taking pride in his city. #DoubleEdgedBlade

Joker is certifiably insane and not a single person thought he needed a bullet in the temple?

Someone needs to do an impression of Mark Hamill delivering Ledger’s lines

Unintended comic book crossover Joker & Spawn vs. Batman

Grenades in my pocket are there to PROTECT me! -Joker

Harvey Dent. Batman. Batman. Harvey Dent.-Commissioner Gordon

We’ve never seen what an ignorance of international law actually looked like until this film. #NoExtradition

Alfred said, “I’m so damn tired of being your butler, I won’t even rub lotion on a beautiful woman.” Ouch, Bruce!

I’m sooooo insane I’m holding gladiator trials for my gang! -Joker #RhymeTalking

In another life, Lucius Fox was a teenaged murderer. #AndyDuFresne

The music in The Dark Knight was a very special experience. Masterpiece of subtle mood building.

A MAN. Just jumped off. A building! Dressed. Like. A BAT! -My Grandmother

Batman did that parachute thing way cooler than Solid Snake.

GCPD interrogation room looks like a national park restroom.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is this universe’s gift to nerd boys.

An army of police officers just invaded ‘the hood.’ In the worst city on Earth. Riot free. Riiiight.

Gotham’s mayor used to be a sitcom star. And Bat-Manuel. Nice.

Joker is crying, alone in the forest, in the dark, in black and white. His nose is running. #BlairWitch

Sooooo rich he has a helipad. “I’m going to save the world in a bat costume.” Who’s insane?

Nerd fight starter: Cillian Murphy would have been better a Bruce/Batman!

Aaron Eckhart’s hair is unbelievable. I simply do not believe it.

Call this thing “Ironic Nerd Love.”

“Bruce Wayne is a rich ASSHOLE!” Clever ruse again Batman.

How did a mountain of a man in giant bullet proof bat costume SNEAK into the middle of THAT room?

Alfred just blamed this whole thing on Bruce and still no one saw how bad thits was going to get.

That scene was straight from Superman Returns. Nolan did it better. Sorry Brian Singer.

Christian Bale doing CSI impression is sci-fi? Yes, Bruce Wayne is a rich brat.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Morgan Freeman?

Somehow Bruce has also mapped out and memorized all of Gotham. No GPS for him!

“Grand Theft Auto.Theft of city property.” Crimes on Film.

“He just threw a man off a catwalk, Jess!” -My Grandmother.

“Jesser, when you said Batman I thought we were going to watch a cartoon, Son.” -My Granddad

“Too many people know who Batman is in this film. Only sidekicks should be that close to him. Oh, he’s got nearly a dozen sidekicks in the comics? Forget I spoke.”

How do you Shut-up an intelligent Woman. Kiss her. It always works in the movi– It didn’t even work here!

Yep, Mark Hamill.

Ryan Gosling was driving that cop car that flipped. #Drive2

The Batmobile is a tank AND a motorcycle. With the Starship Enterprise computer!

The subtle realism of that helicopter falling out of the sky made the semi flipping end over end so beautiful.

I walk around with knives in my pockets for random moments of violence. -Joker

Jim Gordon is a monster to his wife.

Gary OldMan sounds British again at 1.5 speed.

Joker tested my reality as much as Inception.

He just wanted a phone call.

His face was on fiyah! Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze

Batman sits around in his undies?

And so this man. This BAT-man would do the unspeakable. He would burn the forest down.

This was a Batman the Animated Series style Joker story, told in guerilla style.

How rich is Bruce Wayne? Not only is he driving a Lamborghini, he’s doing it illegally, dangerously and to save someone’s life. #TrueGiver

My granddad can’t even use the internet but Alfred is finding hospital records on police officers at a professional rate.

Seth Rogen paints his face white with green highlights in his hair, dead ringer for Ledger’s Joker. Your mind=blown.

We just saw a comic book villain face-off of epic proportions, in photo-realism! Two Face vs. Joker in beautiful HD photo-realism.

Christian Bale deserves an Oscar for his Bruce Wayne. #NotKidding

Mark, just once please. Record this dialogue.

He took the shot just to show off the special effects. #Meta

“You giant piece of shit! You’re a monster Mr. Wayne.” -Lucius Fox

Having the faith in Lucius to do the right thing without even telling him how, that’s altruism defined.

The Box tried so hard to steal Two-Face’s SFX for such a weak deformity.

Harvey Dent is an incredibly scary man and someone should have seen it coming.

How did the villain from Friday become the hero here?

That poor actor was made to look like a stupid military stereotype because of the way he wore his soft-cap. #ArmyNitpicking

It’s a good thing that officer didn’t turn out to be comic’s Renee Montoya. I might have written an angry blog about it.


Sticky explosive sniper rifle saves the day!

Old bearded sailor is the wise one today.

I can’t be the first one to realize that Rocksteady was aping this movie so hard in Arkham City, can I?

Oh what a wonderful day! Mankind is beautiful after all!

I can’t be the only one who noticed that Nolan was deliberately referencing Nicholson’s Joker’s death when he fell of the building, can I?

I live in a comic book world for entertainment because if I ever accepted how much the real world sucks, I’d be depressed all the time.

Nolan made a character as silly Two-Face legitimate as well as legitimately scary. That little boy deserves an oscar.

No one, not even Batman, could have survived that fall. If Bruce Wayne really did survive it, he absolutely deserves to be hated as Batman.

“Well look at that. I guess I can keep working here. that Bruce, what a guy.” -Lucius Fox

Gordon’s poetic dialogue was so Shakespearian, and apparently no one thinks that’s weird. #NoOneEverTalkedLikeThat