The Dark Knight live tweet, rough draft

In the past I have simply live-tweeted my movie viewings rough and uncensored. Now I know better. I once heard that if you want to be a writer, write all the time, even if it’s crap. So my “live tweet” of The Dark Knight became a writing project. I post below, in chronological order every random thought or joke that crossed my mind as I viewed, conceived as tweets. Eventually I hope to have compiled a nice cache of movie based jokes. For what that has yet to be determined. This way I can also maintain control of my own material better than a twitter joke that could be ripped off. (For all intents and purposes, the hashtag “TheDarkKnight” would accompany the end of each line).


The Dark Knight

Nolan showed us the joker seconds after his named was used. Joker barely survived! That’s some insanity!


The guy with the grenade in his mouth is now a disciple of the Joker.

Nolan just showed us that “superstitious” thing in the wild.  No Way man. Batsignal’s on. I ain’t going to jail With a brokenArm, hanging upside down tonight.

Batman just said a spoiled, rich, brat line and thinks he can get away with it, BECAUSE he’s a spoiled rich brat.

How do you, and an old man, build an elevator into a shipping container And no one knows about it?!

Bruce makes mistakes, and fixes them, and then holds his integrity over everyone else’s head. No one calls him on it ever. That’s not cool.

Bruce uses his money to make himself a king and then wonders why people resent him!

Lucius is a far more forgiving person than he should be.

Bruce is an ASSHOLE to women!

Gotham City is proud of a citizen taking pride in his city. #DoubleEdgedBlade

Joker is certifiably insane and not a single person thought he needed a bullet in the temple?

Someone needs to do an impression of Mark Hamill delivering Ledger’s lines

Unintended comic book crossover Joker & Spawn vs. Batman

Grenades in my pocket are there to PROTECT me! -Joker

Harvey Dent. Batman. Batman. Harvey Dent.-Commissioner Gordon

We’ve never seen what an ignorance of international law actually looked like until this film. #NoExtradition

Alfred said, “I’m so damn tired of being your butler, I won’t even rub lotion on a beautiful woman.” Ouch, Bruce!

I’m sooooo insane I’m holding gladiator trials for my gang! -Joker #RhymeTalking

In another life, Lucius Fox was a teenaged murderer. #AndyDuFresne

The music in The Dark Knight was a very special experience. Masterpiece of subtle mood building.

A MAN. Just jumped off. A building! Dressed. Like. A BAT! -My Grandmother

Batman did that parachute thing way cooler than Solid Snake.

GCPD interrogation room looks like a national park restroom.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is this universe’s gift to nerd boys.

An army of police officers just invaded ‘the hood.’ In the worst city on Earth. Riot free. Riiiight.

Gotham’s mayor used to be a sitcom star. And Bat-Manuel. Nice.

Joker is crying, alone in the forest, in the dark, in black and white. His nose is running. #BlairWitch

Sooooo rich he has a helipad. “I’m going to save the world in a bat costume.” Who’s insane?

Nerd fight starter: Cillian Murphy would have been better a Bruce/Batman!

Aaron Eckhart’s hair is unbelievable. I simply do not believe it.

Call this thing “Ironic Nerd Love.”

“Bruce Wayne is a rich ASSHOLE!” Clever ruse again Batman.

How did a mountain of a man in giant bullet proof bat costume SNEAK into the middle of THAT room?

Alfred just blamed this whole thing on Bruce and still no one saw how bad thits was going to get.

That scene was straight from Superman Returns. Nolan did it better. Sorry Brian Singer.

Christian Bale doing CSI impression is sci-fi? Yes, Bruce Wayne is a rich brat.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Morgan Freeman?

Somehow Bruce has also mapped out and memorized all of Gotham. No GPS for him!

“Grand Theft Auto.Theft of city property.” Crimes on Film.

“He just threw a man off a catwalk, Jess!” -My Grandmother.

“Jesser, when you said Batman I thought we were going to watch a cartoon, Son.” -My Granddad

“Too many people know who Batman is in this film. Only sidekicks should be that close to him. Oh, he’s got nearly a dozen sidekicks in the comics? Forget I spoke.”

How do you Shut-up an intelligent Woman. Kiss her. It always works in the movi– It didn’t even work here!

Yep, Mark Hamill.

Ryan Gosling was driving that cop car that flipped. #Drive2

The Batmobile is a tank AND a motorcycle. With the Starship Enterprise computer!

The subtle realism of that helicopter falling out of the sky made the semi flipping end over end so beautiful.

I walk around with knives in my pockets for random moments of violence. -Joker

Jim Gordon is a monster to his wife.

Gary OldMan sounds British again at 1.5 speed.

Joker tested my reality as much as Inception.

He just wanted a phone call.

His face was on fiyah! Schwarzenegger’s Mr. Freeze

Batman sits around in his undies?

And so this man. This BAT-man would do the unspeakable. He would burn the forest down.

This was a Batman the Animated Series style Joker story, told in guerilla style.

How rich is Bruce Wayne? Not only is he driving a Lamborghini, he’s doing it illegally, dangerously and to save someone’s life. #TrueGiver

My granddad can’t even use the internet but Alfred is finding hospital records on police officers at a professional rate.

Seth Rogen paints his face white with green highlights in his hair, dead ringer for Ledger’s Joker. Your mind=blown.

We just saw a comic book villain face-off of epic proportions, in photo-realism! Two Face vs. Joker in beautiful HD photo-realism.

Christian Bale deserves an Oscar for his Bruce Wayne. #NotKidding

Mark, just once please. Record this dialogue.

He took the shot just to show off the special effects. #Meta

“You giant piece of shit! You’re a monster Mr. Wayne.” -Lucius Fox

Having the faith in Lucius to do the right thing without even telling him how, that’s altruism defined.

The Box tried so hard to steal Two-Face’s SFX for such a weak deformity.

Harvey Dent is an incredibly scary man and someone should have seen it coming.

How did the villain from Friday become the hero here?

That poor actor was made to look like a stupid military stereotype because of the way he wore his soft-cap. #ArmyNitpicking

It’s a good thing that officer didn’t turn out to be comic’s Renee Montoya. I might have written an angry blog about it.


Sticky explosive sniper rifle saves the day!

Old bearded sailor is the wise one today.

I can’t be the first one to realize that Rocksteady was aping this movie so hard in Arkham City, can I?

Oh what a wonderful day! Mankind is beautiful after all!

I can’t be the only one who noticed that Nolan was deliberately referencing Nicholson’s Joker’s death when he fell of the building, can I?

I live in a comic book world for entertainment because if I ever accepted how much the real world sucks, I’d be depressed all the time.

Nolan made a character as silly Two-Face legitimate as well as legitimately scary. That little boy deserves an oscar.

No one, not even Batman, could have survived that fall. If Bruce Wayne really did survive it, he absolutely deserves to be hated as Batman.

“Well look at that. I guess I can keep working here. that Bruce, what a guy.” -Lucius Fox

Gordon’s poetic dialogue was so Shakespearian, and apparently no one thinks that’s weird. #NoOneEverTalkedLikeThat


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