Cabin in the Woods Live tweet draft.

As per usual, the hashtag “CabinInTheWoods” designates a tweet that made it to Twitter. At 15 min from the end of the movie, I was told to “shut the fuck up will ya” and realized I might have been a bit spoilery. Trying my best to keep this organized and understandable.

What a boring opening to OH MY GOD! #CabinInTheWoods

Yup I dance naked in front of my windows in broad day light when the neighbors can see.

I want that coffee thermos! #CabinInTheWoods

Is this the same facility where Buffy fought that Frankenstein thing? When did I turn on Buffy? #CabinInTheWoods

The stoned guy is my hero.

Dirty old man is HILARIOUS! And Terrifying.

Did I just see a bird fly into a TV? Why is their RV on a giant tv right now?

Two way in the bedroom! #BestCabinTripEver

Joss Whedon found a way to make awkward sexy. Sexual Harassment too.

Creepy house. Best resolution is dirty lakewater.

Nerdy guy making everyone uncomfortable in the office. #ImInAMovie #CabinInTheWoods

Stoner just called a wolf head a moose.

Did that girl just flirt with the *

Drunk girl making out with the werewolf. I think that might be illegal in some states.

If actual teenagers were reciting these lines, they’d be awkward, breathy and uncomfortable. #CabinInTheWoods

Scary movie physics: the inside of mansions are bigger than the outside.

Now he just dicking with us.

She’s a redheaded Buffy!

The stoner thinks he’s dreaming.

This 5th dimensional stuff is exactly what I’ve been jamming on all week! #CabinInTheWoods

We’ve got dirty Buffy and redhead Buffy. Another love-letter to Kitty Pryde. #CabinInTheWoods

Or is that supposed to be Dawn? It should have been Dawn. #CabinInTheWords

Puppeteers. Stoner guy just figured it out.

Drunk Thor. That’s what it looks like Avengers fans! #CabinInTheWoods

When was the last time you were in the woods in the dark? Never been that drunk. Nope.

Crime on Film: Voyeurism. #CabinInTheWoods

Orga–DAGGER IN MY HAND! #CabinInTheWoods

That was probably the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen.

Little Nemo on the bud. #CabinInTheWoods

That guy reminds me of my brother-in-law. Not sure if that’s a good thing.

Nice call back stoner guy!

A real teenage girl would be having an honest-to-God breakdown right now. #CabinInTheWoods

I’d like to see an edit of this movie where we don’t see the lab sequences. #CabinInTheWoods

Aww, don’t kill stoner guy. Ooh, nice Ash moment.

Calling the twist: This is all happening inside the human body, bacteria fighting off an infection. #WhatATwist #CabinInTheWoods

It’s ok baby I got y–BEAR TRAP IN THE BACK! #CabiInTheWoods

Frat boy is invulnerable. #CheatCode #CabinInTheWoods

Meanwhile, in Japan. #CabinInTheWoods

Fred from Angel is a cute lab tech.

Hell’s Locker Room?

Perfect place for an intermission #NeedABeer #CabinInTheWoods

That dirt-biking sequence was better than anything. Ever. #CabinInTheWoods

Scary movie logic: pretty girl *

Finished thought post film: Scary movie logic: pretty girl is also invulnerable.

Nerdy guy makin’ it weird again. Accidentally. No one cares. #ImInThisMovie #CabinInTheWoods

That was the best filmed office party scene .IN. THE. UNIVERSE!!!!

Stoner guy, really? Now stoner kids are our action heroes? He’s still nerding it up.

“Do we want to go down?” “Where else are we gonna go?” Puff on a doob. Hipster chic.




So, what? Does this imply mid-twenties supermodel beauties are someone’s personal nightmare? #CabinInTheWoods

Stoner guy, thank you on the bottom with that little assist zombie arm. #CabinInTheWoods

Finished thought after the movie: Stoner guy, “Thank you on the bottom with that little assist zombie arm.” *wink*

Sorry kids, ritual torture is a sad reality. We can’t kill the ugly ones, are you kidding? They outnumber us like, 10 to 1. Seriously. #CabinInTheWoods

This is a Greek myth, told in a modern way. Pandora’s Box cracking open. #CabinInTheWoods

I’m sure the power will come right back on–GIANT BAT IN THE HALLWAY! #CabinInTheWoods

Oh, yeah, of course, the Clown and Unicorn killing riots of Doube-aught 6. That was a horrible year in the United States of *

Went for a future joke, couldn’t think of a future name for America, gave up.

Cute red head always knows *

I literally cried at the mer man. I. CRIED. *sniff* #DontJudge #CabinInTheWoods


Ooh, Sigourney. Nice.

Typical Whedon. Unbelievable fight. Still loved it.

Creepy girl who’s in everything. Also nice.

Smokin’ a doob at the end of the world. Sounds good.

Ooh, end it on a philosphical note. Nicest.

Wow, they actually did that. That just happened. #CabinInTheWoods
Starred (*) lines are unfinished thoughts.


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