The Dark Knight Rises, Part 1 – Drunk Live Tweet rough draft

Drunk Live Tweet – The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 draft

As is normal, the following is a list of all tweet sized observations, jokes or comments I make while watching the film and drinking alcoholic beverages. Jokes followed by the hashtag are goo enough to make it to Twitter, those that don’t either do not possess my full confidence or I deem them to be unworthy of tweeting. Let the games begin!

The drink: I call it Michelangelo – two shots of Three Olive’s “Dude”vodka in a tall glass of Sunkist Orange. #TDKRP1

It’s both a work of art AND a Ninja Turtle reference! #NerdDoubleKill #TDKRP1

Oh yeah! I forgot it starts with a race!. Sounds wonderful. Nice Dredd helmet. #TDKRP1

OOH EVEN BETTER! A Speed Racer squint! #TDKRP1

She don’t know him very well, do she?

Heh, “nailing the Mutants.” #UnintentionallySexyTweet #TDKRP1

Whenever someone calls Commissioner Gordon, “Jim” I immediately think of Bones. #NotEmilyDeschanel #TDKRP1

“Dammit Jim, I’m a playboy, not a vigilante!” – DeForest Kelly as Bruce Wayne #TDKRP1

*monotone* Ooh. Wow. What a surprise, a reminder of his parents. How original. #TDKRP1

Do people really squint and shake their heads like that when they have nightmares? Looks silly.

Very good music though, gotta say. #TDKRP1

QUICK, TO A PSYCHIATRIST! HE’S SLEEP SHAVING! (Thanks to @TheOperatorGWC) for this one. #TDKRP1

Some of this voicework in the Harvey Dent scene kinda bad and by kinda bad I mean really not good. Don’t think they were using the right emotions. *

Some of this voicework in the hospital is kinda bad and by that I mean terrible. Don’t think they were using the right emotions. #TDKRP1

I am really loving how well they recreated some of the iconic moments thus far though. #TDKRP1

Really uncomfortable by the use of “mommy” in that mugging. #TDKRP1

What a freakin’ stupid pimp. You’re handed out wads of cash and you’re blaming the ho for your troubles?

OOH! THERE SHE IS! That could have sounded a little less creepy. #TDKRP1

Talk about a chiseled jaw.

That’s a good sign. The cops can’t even keep a positive attitude about their performance.

YES! THE BEST BATMAN COVER EVER!!! #TDKRP1

Much better use of the rookie cop and the vet than in “Rises.”

I’d just like to point out that in real life, cops are not trained to use the word “freeze.” Never been sure what that’s about on TV. #TDKRP1

The vet cop telling the rookie to quit pestering the crazy, huge vigilante was priceless! #TDKRP1

I’m so glad that somebody finally commented on the hyperbole idiots use when interviewed on TV.

Sure, he’s not guilty, we’ll let him go. Not like there’s a sociopath with endless assets at his disposal on the loose or anything. #TDKRP1

“Good ol’ Betty.” – Jim Gordon “You named the batsignal, boss?” -rookie “I AM THE COMMISSIONER!” #TDKRP1

Because as we all know, grown men wearing superhero t-shirts are always taken seriously and not viewed as man-children. #TDKRP1

Goddamn that is some impressive animation!

Nice Harvey, this guy is clearly on drugs. Where do you find these people? #TDKRP1

Running on a tightrope hundreds of feet in the air where the wind blows just because after ten years is easy! Like riding a bike. #TDKRP1

Aww, Paget Brewster’s voice was a delight until I saw the character’s face. #TDKRP1

Nice! They kept in the magazine rack with the DC Comics on it. Nice.

I remember this movie! I think it was Elizabeth Shue and something about babysitting? #TDKRP1

So apparently the Robin costume also grants amazing gymnastic powers. Musta missed that comic. #TDKRP1

Remember when you complained about the baby shitting himself, now you know how I feel. – Batman #TDKRP1

Intermission – Need another Michelang– OH MY GOD DID THAT JUST HAPPEN!? #TDKRP1

Yea for the Bat-Tank! #TDKRP1

Wait, is that RoboCop in the Batmobile? #TDKRP1

Martial art powers locked in them green bikini shorts too apparently. #TDKRP1

Y’know Bruce, can I call you Bruce, they may be less-than-lethal arms, but they just fell in front of your tank, that you didn’t stop driving. *

Y’know Bruce, can I call you Bruce, they may be rubber bullets, but if they fall in front of your tank… #TDKRP1

I wanto to tell that girl she made a poor life choice by being here in the voice of Matt Foley. #ChrisFarley #TDKRP1

Oh and Bruce, suffocation can kill someone.

“Little girl, what do you want to do with your life?” “I want to watch giant, sweaty men fight in the landfill.” #TDKRP1

The music in this film is oddly reminiscent of Tron Legacy.

“Dick called it the Batmobile, something a kid would say”. Really? I think a kid would have called that “Giant Tank of Doom,” or something equally spurious. *

“Dick called it the Batmobile, something a kid would say”. Really? I think a kid would have called that “Giant Tank of Doom.” #TDKRP1

Wait, why is Lana editor at the Daily Planet? My memory must be pretty fuzzy.

Much of the mod fashion in this is so very questionable. #TDKRP1

I think that guy with the fake sharp teeth just ate the fat guy! #TDKRP1

Oh, I completely forgot that the leg brace in “Rises” had a precedent here with the shoulder brace.

I’m not sure I understood a single word these Mutants said. #TDKRP1

I wonder if all of the references that date this piece of fiction to the 80’s are lost on a majority of this audience? #TDKRP1

BATMAN FACE ME! After I clean this poop water off. #TDKP1

If fights were readable in sign language, Batman just told that whole audience “Your leader is a bee-otch!” #TDKRP1

“I’m outie 5000, yo!” -Jim Gordon #TDKRP1

This was the creepiest scene in the whole darn thing. #Finale

This was the BEST scene in the whole darn thing! Gave me chills! #Finale #TDKRP1 Ed. Corrected myself, clarified my point.

This concludes the live-tweet of The Dark Knight Rises, part 1. Please don’t let my last interaction of the day be from a bot. #TDKRP1 Ed. My last “at reply” on Twitter was from a bot called Bixby Snyder in reference to my RoboCop tweet. Bixby Snyder the sitcom character featured in the original RoboCop film.

*Adjusted to fit the Twitter character limit

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